The tremendous amount of pain and grief encircles you due to the loss of both parents together. Another parent dies, while you may still be grieving the loss of one parent. And in such situations when both parents die close together, it may affect you in unexpected ways as likely this can produce different types of grief. How their deaths will impact your life is of utmost importance for you to understand, how to cope with these losses as eventually, this will help you to take effective control of yourself.
Children evidently experience compounded grief when losing their parents within a short time span. Compounded grief can occur when layered losses take place in proximity one after another. It is more challenging to deal with compounded grief than that normal one. The below guide may help you in figuring out the steps that you can take in order to help your own self when both your parents die.
Children live with the thought that their parents will die as they age. What they do not usually think is this may so happen that they lose both parents in succession which can affect emotional and psychological well-being.
Any combination of the following can be felt if this happens:
It is obvious to begin to feel the loss of their companionship, love, and support soon after you lose both parents. This may take more than a few months and up to a couple of years for the situation to resolve as such unexpected loss can compound your grief. You never know how much time it may take for you to start feeling better.
Utmost important is to allow yourself time to deal with this sudden loss. Healing takes time and therefore helping yourself to come out of grief can help, if you learn to accept that you no longer have your parents to support, guide and love.
Self-care can be practised in many ways following are a few examples to engage in self-care:
After losing both of your parents you are ought to struggle with your new identity. You end up discovering it difficult to agree that you’re now orphaned. This also brings you strong feelings of being left all alone in this world, feeling that you have no one to turn to for backing and guidance, and perceiving your own mortality as if you’re the “next” to die.
Reading books and online articles on grief helps you deal with these thoughts and bursts of such emotions. Reading and talking to elderly or good friends also helps in alleviating some of the anxiety and uncertainty of how to move forward.
Ponder to grow your circle of encouragement and support which can include your siblings or family or even friends that may have become estranged. This makes you more secure and helps you feel less lonely.
Such a support circle for you becomes gradually more important after suffering the loss of your parents. Siblings are more likely to understand your pain and may be able to offer you the much-required support and encouragement whilst you cope with your sorrow.
Due to the sudden successive demise of your parents, you might not understand why you’re feeling the way you are. It’s the hardest of all feelings to accept that your parents are no longer there to turn to. You no longer can turn to your father’s advice and your mother is no longer there to comfort you anymore.
At times a feeling of guilt overtakes you, and you may start blaming yourself for the things you did and didn’t do while they were still alive. All such feelings are a part of the grieving process, you need not be hard on yourself for blaming things that you could’ve done better. Focus on the positives that you did to make your parents feel happy and to make them believe how much you loved and cared for them. Paste a written list to help remind yourself of those positives when you’re too consumed in your grief to remember all of that.
Honouring parents’ lives helps bring the grieving phase close to acceptance and then closure. Choose ways that make sense to you in order to honour your parents.
Performing memorial services and gifts purchased in remembrance are the usual ways, best can be the honour to parents’ by you being a better edition of yourself. A great way to start is by persistently becoming the person that would’ve made your parents proud whilst staying true to your own self.
The phase of intense pain and sorrow will eventually fade and you shall start feeling better. As time phases you’ll find yourself easing back into your old quotidian and schedule.
Sooner Or later, you will learn to live life without parents around and you’ll start doing things which you liked doing. It’s okay to move past the grief, however, remember that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting.
Work through your pain, distress and grief a little bit each day. In time, you’ll find that your phase of suffering and pain will ease and your healing will get underway.